"Are You Stupid? You didn't listen to one word I just said..." How many times have you said that, or something similar to someone you were having an argument with? How many times have you and your spouse/ significant other walked away angry after a debate? How many times have you said something, and wished immediately afterwards you hadn't?

I remember going to a wedding, and watching the Bride and Groom participate in a "growing activity." The Groom's brother had them hold hands, the Groom's on top of the Bride's, and had them count to 10. The bride started with 1, the Groom 2, the Bride 3... all the way to 10.

After the groom had said 10, his brother turned to the crowd and said that something had just happened for the very last time... He looked towards the Groom and said, "This will be the last time you have the last word and the upper hand!"

We focus so much on winning the argument, or proving our point to the other person, that we forget to listen to what they are saying. We spend too much time talking, and not enough time saying nothing. And the more we argue, the easier it is to say things that we know are hurtful... things we know we shouldn't say.

And sometimes we say things to be smart, or to be funny; but in doing so we are saying the very things that will only make things worse. We say the very things that mean, "I don't value what you are saying, and you need to listen to me."

Think about it, the next time you tell someone they are being "unreasonable," what are you really saying? Instead of telling them; maybe we should try listening. Maybe we should try to understand what they are saying, and where they are coming from. Maybe, we should try to be wise, and hold our tongue long enough to make the conversation productive, instead of destructive. Fruitful, instead of Hurtful.